My Thoughts on the Relationship Between Offred and the Commander
We’ve learned more about the unorthodox relationship between
Offred and the Commander in the past few readings. My feelings about their
relationship is mixed but predominantly negative. After the Commander and
Offred first started meeting in his office, someone in class suggested that there
was a fatherly aspect of the Commander’s actions towards Offred since he stated
that part of his motivation for inviting her to play Scrabble with him was to
make her less miserable. However, I had a different view on this. Especially
after reading a little bit more of the book, I would confidently declare that
the Commander is not fatherly at all. First, he asks her to kiss him “as if [she]
meant it” at the end of their first encounter in his office; he does this at the
end of multiple rendezvous. As if that wasn’t already enough to convince me
that he isn’t trying to fulfill a paternal role, he brings her to a club where
he expects her to have sex with him. All of these actions help me decipher the
Commander’s true intentions. I don’t think that his motivation is purely to
make her less miserable like he says it is, although it might play a part. The
Commander knows that he is one of the main reasons why she is miserable as a handmaid
since she has been forced into this position in order to provide a child for
him and his wife. By indulging Offred in games like Scrabble, he’s easing his own
conscious.
I believe one of the main reasons
why the Commander invites Offred to his office is to provide him with
companionship. Even though the Commander has a high social status, he still
lacks meaningful relations with others. It seems everyone in the society, not
only handmaids, is discouraged from building deep relationships. He has a wife,
but they seem distant. He has people serving him such as the Guardians, but those
relationships seem to be strictly professional. The meetings with Offred offer
him a chance to create a connection with another human whom he can share his
thoughts with, play games with, and gain perspectives from. Although Offred
also seems to enjoy having someone to talk to, the Commander’s motives are more
selfish than they seemed at first.
Another
thing that makes me uncomfortable with their relationship is their extreme power
dynamic. Although both the Commander and Offred seem to be gaining something from
their arrangement, if anyone finds out about their meetings, Offred will undoubtedly
take all the blame. In the Gileadean society, the person at fault is almost
always the woman involved. This principle was seen at the Red Center when Janine
was conditioned to believe that it was her fault that she was raped. If Offred
and the Commander were caught, she would either be transferred, harassed by the
wife, or subject to harsher punishments. The wife might even have the power to
have her hung. The Commander, on the other hand, would most likely be assigned
another handmaid whom he could exploit. There would be few repercussions for
him aside from an angry wife.
Even though
Offred seems to enjoy spending time in the Commander’s office since it provides
her with a space in which she can read and write, I do not like the
relationship they have formed. The power dynamic of the relationship combined
with the sexual motivations of the Commander disgusts me. I wish Offred had a
companion who had a similar social status, and thus wouldn’t be able to take
advantage of her easily. This may be the reason why I was rooting for Nick and
Offred or Ofglen and Offred to form a friendship.
-Kristine
I really don't like the Commander either. I agree that he's just using her for companionship. At first I though he might have just felt guilty about her being a handmaid or he wanted some romance or friendship between them so that things like the Ceremony would be less awkward for him. After reading how he takes her to a club just confirms how selfish he is. He's also clearly gone to the club before which for me further confirms that he has sexual motivations for his meetings with Offred, not that he wants Offred to be less miserable.
ReplyDeleteI also didn't agree with the idea of the Commander as a paternal figure for Offred, especially when he took her to the club. While reading earlier scenes between them, I always wondered what would happen if they got caught and my question got answered when we found out that the previous handmaid the Commander had a relationship with hung herself after Serena Joy found out. However, since Offred seems to be a handmaid who isn't afraid to break the rules (within reason), I think she is more likely to get tortured or sent to the Colonies than punishing herself.
ReplyDeleteI agree with your stance on the relationship. At first, it was difficult to really know the Commander's motivations, but after the scenes you mentioned above, it became pretty clear that his motivations are selfish. Even in the way the book is written, it shows that the Commander is actually enjoying these interactions with Offred as much if not even more than Offred does herself.
ReplyDeleteSomething definitely does feel off about the Commander to me. We know that he's done this before, and it ended badly for him and (especially) the Handmaid involved, whom we don't know. As such, to return to the same pattern of behavior that probably already destroyed one person's life seems a little off. On the other hand, I do feel sort of bad for him. He seems to have no friends, and no way of making friends beyond this. Ultimately, however, as the person with power, it's up to him to ensure that he isn't destroying other's lives, which he is.
ReplyDelete-Sasha
I agree with you. The relationship the commander is trying to foster is not pure, or at least it did not start out as one. At this point in the story, I am not so sure. Initially, I thought the commander to be a pervert abusing his power. However, as their interactions have gone on and on, it really has seemed like the commanded is looking for a friend more than a lover. He provides her with stuff she asks for in return for games of scrabble or a night out. The longer their interactions have continued, the less he seems like a predator, as he hasn't really made a move or asked for anything more sexual than the initial kiss. But I still don't know for sure. Who knows? He might still just be looking for sex.
ReplyDeleteI also agree with the premise of this post. Perhaps there are elements of Offred's relationship with the Commander that benefits her or that she may even enjoy; however, that does not justify the Commander's motivations and the basis of their relationship. At the end of the day, he's still a powerful figure in an oppressive society, using his position and power in a self-serving way. He really just seems to be using her in a variety of ways.
ReplyDeleteI feel like their relationship is kind of an extreme version of a fairly common type of relationship between a powerful man his mistress. The fact that Offred is in a position that approaches being a sex slave of the commander makes the relationship even more uncomfortable than normal and makes it seem unambiguously inappropriate.
ReplyDeleteI totally agree! I love that you also talk about the extreme power dynamic here, because that is something that has bothered me since the first time she went to his office. I too was rooting for Nick and Offred to grow into something, and after having finished the book, I'm glad that she was able to find some comfort in sneaking off to see him. Even more so, I was so happy that Nick "saved" her (even though it's not clear, that's what I choose to believe) at the end, and it makes me almost not care that the Commander did nothing to try and help her. Almost.
ReplyDeleteyeah, the Commander's 'relationship' with Offred was definitely uncomfortable to read. it's unfair for her to be put in an uncomfortable and confusing situation like that because as a handmaid she has no power and no voice really, so she only does as she's told. i think at first she was kind of okay with it (?) but then later it became obvious he just wanted to be with her for his own selfish purposes
ReplyDeleteI agree, although the commander acts like his intentions are to make things better for Offred I think this is a lie. I think he is doing what he wants and telling himself that this is what Offred wants to feel better about himself. If he truly feels guilty about Offred's situation he would do more.
ReplyDeleteI think it is possible that he initially started the relationship to help Offred, but as time went on and they got closer he started to use her more and more.
DeleteIt is obvious that Offred and the Commander's relationship is unorthodox. While the Commander at times can be surprisingly and oddly "friendly", such as when they played scrabble, Offred is clearly disappointed with the Commander's intentions to "help". Overall, the relationship doesn't seem genuine. Does he actually care for Offred? The relationship is unbalanced to say the least.
ReplyDeletePersonally, I felt the Commander established his relationship with Offred for purely selfish reasons. I think his excuse of making her less miserable was an utter lie. Obviously, Offred is worried of the consequences and honestly I would be too. However, the Commander completely disregards how she might feel and whether he is pressuring her with his status. If he really wanted to make her less miserable he could chill out a little, and maybe do something that could not result in Offred taking the fall for him. Particularly, he’s making it about forming a personal and even physical relationship with Offred which is illegal in Gilead. If he really cared about her, I would think that he would at least tone down his requests for sex and kisses from Offred.
ReplyDeleteI agree, the commander does not truly care about Offred or her feelings. He always asks for a kiss or something more. He knows he is using her, but since he has so much power, he knows that she won’t say no to him.
DeleteThe relationship between the Commander and Offred is very unusual, but I guess it's still better than the relationships present throughout the Republic of Gilead. However, this relationship still disappoints the reader and Offred because the Commander's offerings for help and comfort seem hollow and don't carry any weight. It's difficult to say what the Commander's true intentions were by getting closer to Offred, but it's definitely quite complicated.
ReplyDeleteI agree, I also had some drawbacks about their relationship. I guess it was nice that Offred was able to establish some sort of emotional connection with the commander, but what weirded me out the most about their situation was the power dynamics at play. Although they didn't really explicitly talk about it, I think in the back of their minds both Offred and the Commander knew that if caught, she would have it much worse. For this reason, I could never totally support their relationship.
ReplyDeleteThis is how I thought too. I found it nice that Offred could have a real conversation and friendship with someone. But at the same time, the Commander has much more power than Offred so she really can’t tell him no or end the relationship.
DeleteI think that you are absolutely correct. In Gilead, it is next to impossible to form any friendships that are meaningful since everything is monitored and anything you say could go against you. The commander must definitely be lonely. He has been deprived from a Romantic Relationship with his wife. So far as we know, he has no real friends. That is why he seems to need that relationship so badly.
ReplyDeleteThis idea also reminds me of what I just read in 1984. The people are constantly watched by the police. They can’t say what they want or even truly express what they’re feeling. There is no way for them to have a true friendship with anyone, much like people in Gilead.
DeleteTheir relationship also makes me uncomfortable. If Offred didn’t want to keep seeing him, I don’t think she could tell him no, since he is so powerful. I also hate that Offred would take all the blame if their relationship was found because the Commander is the one who initiated it.
ReplyDelete